"today is the greatest day i've ever known"
today is one of the best songs about suicide ever written. it is also right up there on the list of songs that people misunderstand and like for the wrong reasons. these are mostly about suicide or drugs. i think the way that song about heroin by the las keeps getting used on adverts probably puts it at the top of that list though.
almost every day i read emma kennedy's great blog which today featured the recounting of a dream she had. the line of dialogue "i will never be as happy as i am today, i am going to die" was one of those step-back-and-say-whoah moments of random beauty that spark off strange thought processes and cause earworms.
as well as this song i also have the opening to this poem punctuating it in my head. i wrote it when i was 17, so please forgive the mawkish angsty romance
when i die i want to be
happy. when you're with me
i feel happier than i ever have before
so let me walk down to the shore
of your cheeks and drown my-
self in the ocean of your eyes
my love
let me drown in the ocean of your eyes
the really sad thing is that there were originally several stanzas of this drivel i can no longer remember
Showing posts with label angst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angst. Show all posts
Monday, February 05, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
"my name is jonas" - weezer
"tell me what to do now this tank is dry, now this wheel is flat"
i literally cant remember the last time i listened to weezer, i dont mean caught their video on tv or heard them on the radio, which i'm sure has happened a few times, but actually sat down and listened to an album. its gotta be 10 years since pinkerton came out, so i reckon in the last 8 or 9 years it can only have happened a few times.
i remember when my school first got the internet. it would have been autumn of 1995. we had a teacher with some contacts and we were testing some kind of line that was pretty new at the time but i suspect is madly out of date by modern standards. everyone got an e-mail address and internet access, and like a typical internet newbie i threw myself into things. i signed up for pointless email lists (i got sent the weather in california 5 times a day, for example, and it took me forever to get off the thing that sent you sermons about star trek) and found many many ways to waste time online. i down loaded enough guitar tab to teach myself to play, i added my 2p to many discussion boards (including the early snon) and got hooked on the centre for the easily amused. im pretty certain it doesnt exist any more but at the time it was full of pointless things and links to more pointless things (oh to be able to find the enormous buttons of mild amusement again. it also had a board where you could sign up for an e-mail penpal.
i feel really guilty that i cant even remember the name of someone i corresponded with regularly for over a year, she deserves better than that for putting up with my angsty adolescent moaning for so long. if anyone reading this blog thinks im on some kind of self-absorbed downer they may find it hard to comprehend that im now a well-rounded individual having cast aside a lot of the stuff that made me such a twat in high school. in fairness, with hindsight at least 95% of everyone i knew in high school was a twat in some way or another, its an integral part of being that age isn't it.
a typical email from me at that time probably read
"hi ... blahblah ... no friends ... blahblah ... life is crap, maybe ill die ... blahblah ... some comment about music and/or pop culture designed to make me look quasi-cool in an isolated subcultural way ... blahblah ... me me memememe ... blahblah ... oh and how are you?"
and yet she still managed to be my friend (/pillar/pillow/therapist) for months. she even downloaded the complete tab to 2 weezer albums for me when they turned up the internet filter on the system to "re-he-he-ally safe" where any site that had a link to a site they had already blocked was blocked, even if that site was only blocked for linking to another site that was blocked for linking to a blocked site. maybe she saw something in me that was of worth, or maybe she was just scared to let me go in case i made a mess when i landed. either way, i owe her so much.
and i cant even remember her name
i literally cant remember the last time i listened to weezer, i dont mean caught their video on tv or heard them on the radio, which i'm sure has happened a few times, but actually sat down and listened to an album. its gotta be 10 years since pinkerton came out, so i reckon in the last 8 or 9 years it can only have happened a few times.
i remember when my school first got the internet. it would have been autumn of 1995. we had a teacher with some contacts and we were testing some kind of line that was pretty new at the time but i suspect is madly out of date by modern standards. everyone got an e-mail address and internet access, and like a typical internet newbie i threw myself into things. i signed up for pointless email lists (i got sent the weather in california 5 times a day, for example, and it took me forever to get off the thing that sent you sermons about star trek) and found many many ways to waste time online. i down loaded enough guitar tab to teach myself to play, i added my 2p to many discussion boards (including the early snon) and got hooked on the centre for the easily amused. im pretty certain it doesnt exist any more but at the time it was full of pointless things and links to more pointless things (oh to be able to find the enormous buttons of mild amusement again. it also had a board where you could sign up for an e-mail penpal.
i feel really guilty that i cant even remember the name of someone i corresponded with regularly for over a year, she deserves better than that for putting up with my angsty adolescent moaning for so long. if anyone reading this blog thinks im on some kind of self-absorbed downer they may find it hard to comprehend that im now a well-rounded individual having cast aside a lot of the stuff that made me such a twat in high school. in fairness, with hindsight at least 95% of everyone i knew in high school was a twat in some way or another, its an integral part of being that age isn't it.
a typical email from me at that time probably read
"hi ... blahblah ... no friends ... blahblah ... life is crap, maybe ill die ... blahblah ... some comment about music and/or pop culture designed to make me look quasi-cool in an isolated subcultural way ... blahblah ... me me memememe ... blahblah ... oh and how are you?"
and yet she still managed to be my friend (/pillar/pillow/therapist) for months. she even downloaded the complete tab to 2 weezer albums for me when they turned up the internet filter on the system to "re-he-he-ally safe" where any site that had a link to a site they had already blocked was blocked, even if that site was only blocked for linking to another site that was blocked for linking to a blocked site. maybe she saw something in me that was of worth, or maybe she was just scared to let me go in case i made a mess when i landed. either way, i owe her so much.
and i cant even remember her name
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